Sara here, making my first blog post on the Connection Corps site!
In preparation for the Authen-tigral workshop that I led this past weekend with Jordan Allen, my Integral partner-in-crime, I have been thinking a lot about exactly WHY Authentic Relating and Integral philosophy matter to me.
I began practicing Authentic Relating because I met a boy. He was fresh from the Integral Center‘s Authentic Man Program, and he was one of the first people I’d ever met who was truly, genuinely curious about who I was. Not only that – he was willing, right from the start, to share who he was. I found that kind of honesty incredibly attractive. He and I began dating, and we started the Houston Games night together with his friends.
As time progressed, I found other reasons to love Authentic Relating. It created the kinds of connections I had always desired in my life among the communities I was involved in. I was an introverted, nerdy kid who became an anxious youth, and I was always looking for what role to play in order to make people want to be around me. AR made playing a “role” nearly impossible. It required me to tap into what I FELT, what I DESIRED, and who I actually WANTED to be. In the process, I became more clear-headed, less self-judgmental, less torn between the extremes of what college/family/society wanted from me and the freedom of expression I wanted for myself. Within two months of beginning to practice and facilitate Authentic Relating Games, I came off anti-depressants, and signaled the end of five years of self-destructive behavior.
Authentic Relating allows me more choice in my interactions. It gives me more freedom to create the kinds of connections I desire: to say when I’m sad, or nervous, or really enjoying a conversation, and to inquire into what somebody else is wanting in that moment. Why are we doing what we’re doing? Who are we to each other? And from that clarity, what is possible between us? How is it okay to be ourselves, in this moment, with each other as two human beings?
Several months after beginning Authentic Relating practice, I discovered Integral philosophy. The Integral Center’s circling training course (Train the Trainer), which I attended in 2013 and which Love Juggernaut founders Pete and Chad are now in, requires its students to study the ideas of Integral as a background to circling practice. At its core, Integral theory is about developing the ability to hold and see multiple perspectives. This is crucial for Authentic Relating practices such as Games and circling. If I judge my perspective as the only truth out there, I cannot practice empathy for others’ views, and I cut myself off from the learning and connection that will allow me (and my communities) to grow.
Integral is a philosophy of human development that helps provide context for how we relate to each other and to the world. The philosophy synthesizes understandings from cultures across time and space to pull together a universal “theory of everything”. It helps me to answer questions like:
How do I create balance in my life between mental learning and creativity, physical activity, spiritual practice, and self-discovery?
How can I pursue my personal happiness, and still be of service to the world?
How do I interact authentically with people from all different backgrounds, cultures, and systems of values?
Most of all, however, Integral gives me the perspective I was looking for back when I began Authentic Relating practice. It shows me how my experience can be both partial and still true, still okay to believe and act upon. I don’t need to judge myself exclusively against my parents’ standards of truth, my culture’s, or even my friends’. I can pick which truth is most real for me in the moment – and I can hold understanding for others’ points of view. I feel the most incredible joy knowing that it’s okay to be me.
I was going to geek out a little more on Integral theory, but it’s such a broad topic that I think I’d rather ask y’all what you would like to hear about. Feel free to comment and inquire below! You can find more information on Integral here: Overview or Wow That’s a Lot of Information or I Nerd This So Much I’m Going to Read a Book On It.
Love,
Sara